I heard a whisper in the dark...

If you've been following my blog and know my story, you know that I'm still on this journey called Lyme Disease treatment. It's definitely been a long one and at times very difficult, but there have been many times where God has whispered into my heart and reminded me that He is here for me. Another common reminder from Him has been to use this time to grow. Let me tell you, I have grown in so many ways since the beginning of this ride, but there is always more growth to be had.

 

The verse, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) has always been a challenge for me. It doesn't necessarily mean to stand still like a statue, but rather to let go and relax. It's been very difficult for me to spend this time taking care of my body and not being able to work, especially since I just graduated from college. I was ready to hit the ground running and start the new phase of my life, but my diagnosis ruined that.

 

I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay that I'm not working and that it's not a reflection on me, but simply a unique situation in which my health comes first (it really always should). I have to let go, relax, and trust that through this time there is continued growth and healing.

 

A couple nights ago I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone and I was sharing all the great news of the day. I felt so loved, so supported and very grateful. Although I felt really bad physically, my heart was swelling with love. (Side note- because insurance only pays for a month of IV antibiotics we have to raise money to pay for the following months, as well as other medicine and medical bills. It's been almost 2 years and we feel forced to ask for help.) That day a few people donated on gofundme and we had great news about the possibility of a benefit, so of course, I was thrilled. My heart simply wanted to praise God because once again, I knew that He does provide and He is good.

 

Fast forward about 30 minutes...the pain that I was experiencing was intense. It wasn't in one place, but all over my body. In fact, it brought tears to my eyes. That doesn't happen often, but when it does my mind races to places that aren't so happy. Thoughts of anger, disappointment, confusion and sadness. You see, Lyme Disease treatment is a lot like chemotherapy...you have to get worse before you get better. When the bacteria is being killed off, toxins are released which causes temporary exaggerated symptoms, also known as the Herxheimer reaction. So most of the time when I am feeling really bad, I remind myself "It's okay, the bugs are being killed!", but there are other times when I say, "Enough is enough!" This was one of those times.

 

It's crazy how I can be so happy to the point of tears and then all of the sudden those tears turn sour. Maybe it was the Devil trying to take away my praise or maybe it was simply the consequence of this aggressive Lyme treatment. Either way, I didn't like it.

 

In the midst of all this pain, there was a stirring in my soul and I heard a whisper in my heart. The whisper comforted me, stopped my tears, and I knew that God was there. He was holding me and wiping away my tears. I always know that God is with me, but there are sometimes where His presence is magnified. Just like there are times when I hear His voice audibly, but most of the times I don't. That night, the stirring of my soul pushed me to write and I realized that God was whispering to me in the dark...

 

"You sweep over me like an ocean wave.

Overwhelmed by your power and refreshed by your provision, You prove to me that the world isn't all bad and that You are constantly moving to bring about Your glory for You are good. I lift my hands in the awe of the way You move."

 

"Although it doesn't make sense...

Although it hurts...

It doesn't stop You from loving me and me from loving You.

You speak through the disappointment...

You speak through the pain...

To remind me that I'm not alone.

Nothing can separate me from Your love...

Not trials, not pain, not disappointment...

You continually love me through it all."

 

I say all of this to say, that even in the darkness and even through the pain, God continues to move...continues to woo us...continues to show us that He is there for us, to comfort us along the way.

 

Have you ever been in a rough situation where God clearly spoke to you? Or maybe where you simply felt His presence?

I'd love to hear about your experience :)

 

what a waste?

I hate letting things go to waste, especially Mexican food. (I love me some enchiladas...yumm!)

Seriously though, food that is wasted, money that is wasted, talents that are wasted...are not ideal.

Who wants to pay for something for it just to be thrown away?

 

When I look back on my past, I can think of a few things that seem wasted to me, but then God whispers into my heart and says, "nothing is wasted, my child".

Some have been lost, while others have been tossed out, but that doesn't mean that God can't replace it or renew it.

God can take the leftovers and create something new from it.

 

Our pain, broken hearts, weaknesses...all of it can be redeemed when we bring it  to God. Nothing is too big for Him.

Nothing is wasted when we give it all to God.

 

Elevation Worship band sings, "You are loving, You are wise
There is nothing in my life You cannot revive,
You are loving, You are wise
There is nothing too hard for our God."

I was also inspired by the song, "Nothing is Wasted" by Jason Gray.

"The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope's a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

And nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It's from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what's lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
Glory will shine."

Check out the music video!

 

Whatever you may be facing right now, I have confidence that God can bring beauty from your pain. It may take awhile. You may not understand, but

God is big enough to overcome your problems.

Go to Him in prayer...have faith that He will bring you out of the darkness.

 

Don't forget to pray for the unreached people group of the day!

"If we've ever needed You..."

The people of Newtown have not left my mind.

So many tears have been shed for them.

I don't have much to say other than, I can't imagine the hurt, anger and pain that these families are feeling.

My heart is broken for them.

 

Pastor Gregg Matte talked about the shooting in Newtown today in his sermon.

One of his points really stood out to me...

"God is not to be blamed, He is needed." So many people need the love of God. He gives it freely and to anyone, but there are so many people who don't seek it or may not even know about His love.

 

He went onto talk about the pain that these families are feeling.

He talked about how there will be candlelight vigils, fundraisers and other things to support this town.

He said that although these are great things, they will not erase the pain.

Man cannot heal, only God can.

This is true because man is not always good...clearly.

These parents and family members can only heal from God's love and presence.

Of course, love from others is helpful, but only God can truly comfort them.

I'm sure it will be a long, healing process.

I'm sure there will be many nights of tears.

I'm sure there will be many bouts of anger.

So what can we do?

 

We can pray that these people will feel God's comfort, presence and love.

 

I found this video of a father who lost his daughter in the shooting. It's an amazing speech that speaks of love and forgiveness despite such a tragic time.

 

 

Cherish the times with your loved ones, pray for those who are suffering, and spread the wonderful news of Jesus Christ to others.

There are so many hurting people in this world that need some good news...news that can change lives. News that can make a depressed person, happy. News that can make a hurting person, healed.

Our world needs God and we're the messengers for the job.

 

The title of this blog comes from Casting Crown's song, "If we ever needed you"

Check it out!

 

This week we'll be reading Galations chapters 1-3 all the way to the end of Colossians.

 

 

Day 2- In Him we find...

Thanks for stopping by for day 2 of "In Him we find..."! Through my journey through the Bible in a year, I've learned so much and I'm only 2 months in! Yep, that's God for ya. One of the reoccurring themes has been healing.

 

Throughout my life and especially the past year, I have experienced so much healing. Physical healing, mental healing, spiritual healing...you name it. Our God is the ultimate Healer. When we hand over our cuts, bruises, and pain to God, He is sure to bandage us up. It may not be the way we want Him to bandage us up, but He will one way or the other. He is capable of taking all the hurt that we feel away. He doesn't want us to be bound by pain whether it be physical, mental or spiritual. He wants to free us from it especially from our sin. He can heal us from the inside out.

We just need to come to Him.

 

In Him we find healing.

 

What has God healed you from?

Check out one of my favorite songs by Kari Jobe!

 

Today's scripture is Luke 14-16 if you are joining me in the year long Bible reading plan!

 

 

 

Heart broken

Your Story:

"You've been let down, it's true
Your pain is so easy to see
You're haunted by your history
And it feels like you've got no escape

Your life left you high and dry
You used to be sure of yourself
But then your whole world went to hell
And tomorrow looks just like today

So, you lie on your bed, you won't let the morning come in
And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and it's killing you....

His Story:
I miss the life in your eyes
The home that I found in your arms
And now you don't know who you are
But I won't give up on you

You lie on your bed, you won't let the morning come in
And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and it's killing you
Don't you know
That it's killing me too, cause your heart break is breaking you

And you lost your fire
And your flame's gone out
And your down on your knees
Cause your life is not what you thought it would be

Lift up your head
Help is on the way
And it won't pass you by
You just gotta reach out your hand
Lift up your eyes
Love is on the way
And it won't pass you by
You just gotta reach out your hand

Go on and lift up your head
Because love is on it's way
And it won't pass you by
You've just gotta reach out your hand."

What you just read were the lyrics to "Breaking You" by Audrey Assad. Could you relate to the top story?  If that's your story, God wants you to know something...

He is with you.

No matter what you've done or what your history is...drugs, alcohol, sex, regrets, whatever is "feeding your fear" and guilt,

He is NOT giving up on you.

He hates to see you this way.

He wants you to open your eyes & heart to Him.

He wants you to trust in Him.

He wants you to ask for help.

He wants to help you.

He wants to give you life.

I hope and pray that this was encouragement to "lift up your head" and "reach out your hand". His hand is there and He's waiting for you to grab hold. God doesn't want you to go through this alone. Trust me, you won't get any sense of relief or peace unless you open up to God. There was a time when all I did was lay in bed and hid because of fear, but when I reached out to God, my life was transformed. If you need prayer, please let me know! I would love to pray for you. Check out the video for the song!

 

 

A Work in Progress...A New Creation

From my faithful readers from the beginning, you might can tell that this does not look like my "While on the Deck" blog. Well,if you don't know, I like change so I decided to redesign my blog. I even decided to change my blog's name! I chose "From Chrysalis to Butterfly" to symbolize my life, especially my recent journey with Lyme Disease treatment. In the beginning, I was down in the dumps. Depressed. I went from to denial to anger...why me, God?! After I got over that roadblock, I gave it to God and said, "Your will be done....I trust you...no matter what I go through, You are good and always will be....despite the pain I feel, I still love you." Trust me, that was not an easy thing to say. It took months to get to that point, but wow, when I reached that point my perspective changed. The pessimistic film over my eyes began to fade away and the optimistic flim took its place. I begin to see how God has used my disease to make me a better person in His eyes. He intricately planned out every detail. Through each situation I've faced and each person I've met, I have learned something new about myself or about God and His promises. All of this has led me to change my blog (plus, it has forced me to stay in bed and rest, so that's good ;) name to "From Chrysalis to Butterfly". In the beginning, I was wrapped up in myself and pessimis and through the journey I've changed and grown. Now, I'm definitely not a butterfly just yet My wings still need to grow I've still got a lot of work to do, but it is so encouraging to see how God has turned bad into good, by growing me into who He has called me to be. So my subtitle for my blog is "Transformation through Healing- trials, epiphanies & faith". Lately, I feel like I have "transformed" because I have started trying new things, like sewing, embrodiery, painting, DIY projects, reading new books, and more. Plus, my faith has grown! If I would'nt have gotten diagnosed and started treatment, I might never have tried these things and grown in my faith. The best part of this is that through this time of growth, God is healing me. He is healing me in so many ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, and I know that He is preparing me for things to come. When I was redesigning my blog, I was trying to think of a verse that I could use to go with my theme and the verse that poppped into my mind was 2 Corinthians 5:17. I loveee this verse! In fact, when I was a small group leader I made the girls memorize this verse (girls, if you are reading, you better remember the verse!). So I decided to put the verse on my background as a reminder to all of you (and me). A reminder that God can make you new. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" He makes us new when we put our faith and trust in Him. If you're facing a trial, trust in Him and let him transform you into a new creation. If you're not facing trial, remember that you are a new creation. Your mistakes, regrets, doubts are wiped away when you put your faith in Him. He makes you new. What an awesome truth! On top of that, Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." "In all things", God will work for the good no matter what. The good in my Lyme Disease journey is that He has opened my eyes to new things, taught (still teaching) me patience and trust, led me to wonderful people, and I probably could keep listing. God is transforming and healing me through this journey. Anyway, the main idea of this post is to remind you that you are a new creation or you can be! It may sound like a "New Year Resolution" type of entry, but the great news is that we don't need a new year to change our ways. We can be a new creation now! God can make us new, anytime, any place, as long as we put our trust in Him and believe the promises He has given us. So here is my question for you...are you a new creation? Can you feel God transforming you? If not, you can. Just let Him know that you trust in Him and want to give your life as an offering. Trust me, no matter what situation you are in, God can make it better!