Clueless, overwhelmed & excited

Have you ever been truly excited about the future instead of scared?

What about being content with being clueless?

Positively overwhelmed instead of negatively overwhelmed?

 Well, that's where I am...at the crossroads of being positively overwhelmed and excited.

It has now been nine months since I have been unable to work. These nine months have been filled with struggle, courage, sadness, happiness, pain, anxiety, contentment, reflection, and growth. Put all of that together and you get overwhelming. It may not sound like a piece of cake (which it hasn't been), but overall, it has been pretty amazing to see what God has done the past nine months.

There were times when I wanted to give up, but God was there holding me up.

There were times when I have felt lonely, but God always opened my eyes to see that He never leaves my side.

There were times when I was scared, but God showed me that there is hope.

There were times when I was confused, but God made it clear.

There were times when I was hurt, but God bandaged me up.

Obviously, it has been a pretty overwhelming time, but the past few weeks it has been especially overwhelming...in a good way. I'm not saying it has been perfect, because it has been tough. However, I have seen God move so much lately.

He has overwhelmed me with ideas of how He can use me. 

He has overwhelmed me with the love and encouragment of people, including strangers!

He has overwhelmed me with the joy that comes from serving.

 He has overwhelmed me with His timing and how He truly connects people together.

Needless to say, this is my kind of state of being overwhelmed.

For once in my life, I have no clue what I want to do as a career, who I'm going to marry, where I'm going to be in 10 years and so on...usually this would freak me out, but it doesn't! Crazy, I know, especially since I like everything planned out. You're probably wondering, "why are you okay with this?" I'm content because I know God has it under control. The past 9 months has clearly shown me that God has it under control. He's working everything out and I'm stoked!! He has healed me and transformed in me in so many ways. I know He is going to continue to challenge and work on me, because I'm far from perfect. Knowing that the creator of the universe has a plan for my life, gives me peace that being clueless is okay!

If you're clueless, overwhelmed, anxious, seek God. His promises and teachings will give you hope and courage to live out His will for your life. When God is at the center of your life, everything else falls into place. Then you are able to glorify God with the amazing testimony He has given you.

I'm gonna go back to Jeremiah 29:11 once again (because it's awesome!), "For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future!"

Don't forget to memorize a verse this week! Find an accountability partner to encourage you or let me know and I'd be glad to help!

Holding your word close

Some of you may know that I started volunteering for a kids bible verse memory program. Since I'm unable to work, I figure this is a great time to do some volunteering. This program is just 2 hours a week so I figured I could handle it. Anyway, I missed the first week because of my herxing but I was able to make it last night. Yay!! 

My duty for this program is to listen to 3 year olds recite bible verses (I think it's the cutest thing EVER) and give them snacks. I thought it might be difficult to get them to say the verse, but surprisingly, probably 80% knew the verse by heart. I was impressed! My job is pretty simple..ask them to say their verse, affirm them, and give them a sticker! They were just precious. Kids definitely know how to put a smile on my face especially when they talk about Jesus. I don't think anything gets better than that. 

I think this program is wonderful because it helps kids treasure God's word in their hearts. My college minister always encouraged us to memorize scripture (I admit, I've been slacking :/). The bible tells us many times that we should guard God's word within us so that it can help us be witnesses and remind us of God's promises. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training righteousness." Psalm 119:9 says, "How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." My favorite, Colossians 3:16, says, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." When we let His word dwell in our hearts, we have a constant reminder of His love, grace, and guidance to live out our lives they way He intends us to live. I was reminded a few days ago by a friend/mentor how memorizing scripture can encourage others and be a shield to protect us. She prayed over me, recited scripture, and it was such a blessing to me. She didn't need her bible to tell me the word of God...it dwelled in her. It was such great encouragement for me to be more proactive in truly learning God's word and guarding it in my heart. She suggested that if I memorize a promise each week, I can say it when I'm anxious and God will give me peace and reassurance. I thought that sounded like a pretty good idea!

My verse that I'm memorizing is Psalm 91:2. "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in him will I trust." 

So my challenge for you is to pick a bible verse for this week and memorize it. You can even use my verse! Recite it. Guard it. Use it. God's word is truth. Nothing is better than speaking God's truth because it grants us peace, confidence, and guidance.

What verse will YOU be memorizing? 

PS- you know what one of the most popular phrases I heard last night? "I wanna be line leader! I wanna be line leader!" Haha...if you read my last blog you would understand the irony. 

"Get behind the line leader!"

You remember when you were a kid in school and the teacher would say, "get in line!" What was the best part of getting in a line? Being the line leader, of course! Whenever we would get in line, there would usually always be a race to be the line leader (if the teacher didn't assign line leaders). Now that I think about it, what is so cool about being a line leader anyway?! I guess it's because we are humans and even when we are kids, we like to be in control...go figure. 

If I wasn't line leader, I always hoped to be closest to the front. You want to know why? I remember the first time I got in trouble at school was in 3rd grade and  I was in the back of the line (aka "caboose" the teacher would call it, to make us feel better...it never worked for me).  Anyway, I was talking to little Tommy and we all know, you're not supposed to talk in the hallway, right? Well my teacher heard me chatting away and as a consequence I had to pull a marker (in front of all my classmates) and let me tell you, I thought the world was ending. So ever since that life changing moment (well, maybe not life changing), I decided that it is less tempting to talk or misbehave when you're closest to the line leader.

So while I was having my quiet time, reading my bible and listening to music (Audrey Asssad, of course!) I realized that we aren't meant to be line leaders. Line leaders are supposed to be responsible and know where to go and how to get there. Let's face it, we aren't always good at those three things. I'm irresponsible at times...I don't always know where to go and I definitely don't know how to get there. You want to know my solution? I step back. Let Jesus lead and realize that He is my line leader. 

In order to follow Jesus like a good follower, I must stay towards the front of the line, preferably right behind Him. The farther back that I'm in line, the more I lose sight of Him. We are more likely to be tempted to do things we shouldn't and that leads us to discipline (like pulling a marker...or worse, and that's no fun, trust me!)  Line leaders lead us to our destination and set an example for us along the way. Who better to lead us, than Jesus?! He sets the example. He knows where to go. He knows how to get there. He knows how to act along the way. He set the example of patience, true love, forgiveness, acceptance, service, humility and many, many other attributes. 

Jesus told his disciples (and us), "Whoever wants to be my disciple, must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24). John 8:12 says, "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” There are many other verses about how Jesus is to be our example...our line leader, but these show that we can't go wrong when we follow him.

Let's have the mindset of Audrey Assad's song, "No Turning Back".... "I'm following behind you. I'm staying close beside you. I've got nothing to lose and I've got everything to find."  So step back and let Jesus lead you. He knows the way. 

Check out one of my favorite songs...

Dream BIG

Sorry, it's been a little while since I posted. The past few days have been really tough, but I got the strength and mind power up enough to post today. Here is my my most recent project. It still needs some finishing touches, but it's pretty much done. This was an experiement canvas art project that didn't turn into what I was thinking at all, but that's okay. It kind of looks like it would be in a nursery, but it's whatever...it inspired me to blog!

 

You know when you were a kid, everyone used to tell you reach for the stars? As you grew up, you probably lost sight of your "stars" for one reason or another. I know I've had many, many dreams. Some were a little far fetched and now that I'm older, I realize.."eh, that's probably not realistic", but I have other dreams that seem to be more doable. I think as we grow older we can get discouraged or distracted from living out our dreams. Since I've had so much free time the past 8 months, I've had to time to really think about the things I want to do. In fact, I have a pretty big bucket list board on Pinterest..haha. Try and live out your dreams. Weigh your options and figure out what is more important to you. Most importantly, realize that God has great plans for you and even if you don't reach some, He will give you the strength to accomplish bigger and better dreams.

 

Isaiah 55:9 says, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Trust that when your dreams don't flourish, that His ways are so much better than yours, as long as you follow His lead. Lastly, don't be discouraged. Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

 

So don't give up just yet on your dreams. Trust that God will strengthen you to reach them or put bigger and better dreams in front of you!

 

Question of the day: What is a dream of yours? How are you going to accomplish it?

 

 

Waiting for the storm to pass...

Yesterday morning, I was sitting in my sister's screened in porch and I noticed something different...the sky was divided. One side, bright sunshine...one side, raining. A clear line divided the two. I've never seen that before!

This made me think. It made me think how we all have times of sunshine and times of storm. Often, sunshine is linked to happiness and storms are referred too as bad times. 

Reality of it is, we will never experience sunshine 24/7 nor we will experience storms 24/7 (yay!). The weather is always changing. It's always moving. Let's step away from the literal thought and relate it to our actual lives. 

I'm sure you have a faced a "storm" or two in your life, right? I know I have. So what do you do when it's storming? Do you hide under a blanket and wait for it to pass? Do you do something about it? 

Just like if we were to face an "actual" storm for days, it's often hard to get everything we need to do, done. We may face some challenges like slower traffic on our way to work, football games cancelled, power outages...and more. When these difficult things happen, do our lives stop? No. They continue. It may be hard...it may not be enjoyable..it may change our plans, but life keeps going and the sun always comes out. 

Instead of shutting down when a storm comes our way, we have to continue to trust in God. We can't throw in the towel. We have to remember that His mercies are new each morning. Lamentations 3:23 says, "Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." 

Instead of giving up, find the good in the storm. Just like in an "actual" rainstorm, it may push us to slow down. I don't know about you, but I love to cuddle up on the couch with a book during a storm. Rainstorms can force us to slow down from our busy lives and rest (which is a good thing!). Also, rainstorms nourish the land. So just like an "actual" storm, we should let our "spiritual storms" grow us too. It may not be our ideal experience, but God wants every season in our lives to bring us closer to Him. Use God as your safe place. Deuteronomy 33:27 says, "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." 

Be thankful for the storms because they grow you and be thankful for the sun because it strengthens you for the next rainstorm. Be thankful at all times for there is a season for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." 

What helps you get through the storms in your life? 

Heart broken

Your Story:

"You've been let down, it's true
Your pain is so easy to see
You're haunted by your history
And it feels like you've got no escape

Your life left you high and dry
You used to be sure of yourself
But then your whole world went to hell
And tomorrow looks just like today

So, you lie on your bed, you won't let the morning come in
And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and it's killing you....

His Story:
I miss the life in your eyes
The home that I found in your arms
And now you don't know who you are
But I won't give up on you

You lie on your bed, you won't let the morning come in
And you hide in your room, feeding that fear and it's killing you
Don't you know
That it's killing me too, cause your heart break is breaking you

And you lost your fire
And your flame's gone out
And your down on your knees
Cause your life is not what you thought it would be

Lift up your head
Help is on the way
And it won't pass you by
You just gotta reach out your hand
Lift up your eyes
Love is on the way
And it won't pass you by
You just gotta reach out your hand

Go on and lift up your head
Because love is on it's way
And it won't pass you by
You've just gotta reach out your hand."

What you just read were the lyrics to "Breaking You" by Audrey Assad. Could you relate to the top story?  If that's your story, God wants you to know something...

He is with you.

No matter what you've done or what your history is...drugs, alcohol, sex, regrets, whatever is "feeding your fear" and guilt,

He is NOT giving up on you.

He hates to see you this way.

He wants you to open your eyes & heart to Him.

He wants you to trust in Him.

He wants you to ask for help.

He wants to help you.

He wants to give you life.

I hope and pray that this was encouragement to "lift up your head" and "reach out your hand". His hand is there and He's waiting for you to grab hold. God doesn't want you to go through this alone. Trust me, you won't get any sense of relief or peace unless you open up to God. There was a time when all I did was lay in bed and hid because of fear, but when I reached out to God, my life was transformed. If you need prayer, please let me know! I would love to pray for you. Check out the video for the song!

 

 

You give me fever

Haha you think someone is giving me fever, huh? Nope, you're wrong, BUT I do have a fever! Yay!

You're probably wondering why I'm excited about having fever. Well, I'll tell you why...

If you didn't know, I have Lyme Disease and I'm going through treatment right now. Lyme Disease is a bacterial infection caused by ticks. I struggled with health problems for about 8 years and doctors could never give me a reason why, until I found a doctor who thought to test me and sure enough, I tested positive! Because the infection has been in my body for so long, treatment can be rough and last quite awhile since the bacteria has embedded my tissues and organs. 

Like I said, treatment is rough. I take multiple antibiotics and tons (TONS) of supplements. Last night, I had a major herx. Yes, I said herx. You probably don't know what that is so I will gladly explain. Herx stands for a Herxheimer reaction which happens when an antibiotic is killing off spirochete bacteria and toxins are then released which causes intensified symptoms or new symptoms. This is why all my fellow Lyme patients say, "you have to get worse before you get better." Well, I say BOO to that!  So anyway, I was feeling ROUGH. My knees...my back...my neck...well, my whole body was killing me. I started having chills and then feeling hot so I checked my temperature and it was...100.3!! That may not be high to you, but it's HIGH for me. Lyme patients either have HIGH temperatures or very LOW temperatures (that's me!) My body temperature ranges from (94-97). So when I looked at the thermometer, I almost fell over. I've never been so excited about fever even though I felt terrible. Fever shows that our body is fighting off infection. So of course I'm excited! It's killing the bacteria! Wohoo!

That was your Lyme Disease lecture for the day. Now I'm going back to bed to try and work off this herx. I hope you are having a great day!