In my mind: Sick and tired of it all

Some of you may know that I have Lyme Disease and maybe you don't (that's okay! If you'd like to learn more, check out my story and Lyme Disease Awareness)

I'm going to be really real right now.

I hope this doesn't seem like a whole bunch of complaining on my part...

usually I'm all about giving a positive message, but

my main objective is to give some insight into what a person with a chronic disease often feels.

(It may sound really negative and I'm sorry, but I promise, my motive is positive.)

Maybe you know someone who is living with a chronic disease or maybe you're the one living with a chronic disease, so in either case, I pray that you find hope.

Maybe you'll find hope in understanding your loved one a little better or maybe you'll find hope by knowing that you aren't the only one feeling this way.

In a few months, it will be 2 years since I've been on treatment, 1 1/2 years of that being aggressive treatment, and over 10 years of symptoms.

This is how I feel about that...

I'm sick and tired of just feeling crappy all the time.

I'm sick and tired of the majority of the medical community being ignorant of this disease that wreaks so much havoc on so many lives.

I'm sick and tired of being a 23 year old and not being able to act like one with my own place and career. 

I'm sick and tired of worrying about if a certain food is going to make me feel worse.

I'm sick and tired of worrying about doing something that might make me feel like I've been run over the next day.

I'm sick and tired of searching for words (serious brain fog and word block often come with Lyme...lovely, huh?! Sorry for that sarcasm haha).

I'm sick and tired of always thinking about what medicine I need to take next.

I'm sick and tired of people saying it's all in my head.

I'm sick and tired of being attached to my heating pad (haha true story).

I'm sick and tired of being the friend that has to cancel 80% of the time because of how I feel.

I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm on a rollercoaster ride (rollercoasters are fun for the most part, but moving from highs to lows can get old haha).

I'm sick and tired of feeling like the person that makes things difficult for everyone.

I'm sick and tired of Lyme Disease stealing my tears.

I'm sick and tired of people not understanding.

Whew, that was a lot. Sorry I had to unload on you like that. Let me end on a positive note (I always like to be positive ;)

I'm thankful for the people in my life who do love me for all of me...including this yucky disease. It doesn't define me, but it is a part of my life right now. They make life easier for me...what a blessing.

I'm thankful for my doctor...that he has taken the risk to treat despite ignorant rules of the medical community.

I'm thankful for other lymies like myself, for creating such a supportive and encouraging community that gives me such comfort to know that there are some people who actually understand how I feel.

Most of all, I'm thankful for God and His everlasting presence and hope in my life (even when I'm upset and don't understand). I'm still thankful for all that God has taught me during this time and is continuing to teach me.

I hope this has helped you understand my thoughts a little better.

Also, I hope this hasn't made you feel different about me or my writings.

As you may be a friend/loved one of someone who suffers with a chronic disease, I challenge you to be there for that person. If she/he cancels on going out, maybe say, "That's perfectly okay...can I come over and we can watch a movie?" Or simply asking, "How are you feeling today? Don't say okay, but I really want to know how you're feeling...emotionally and physically." People may ask me how I'm feeling physically, but I hardly ever get asked, "How are you feeling emotionally?" Although you may never really understand, all that matters is that you try to understand.

As a person who suffers with a chronic disease, I pray that you know that you aren't alone in this struggle. I pray that you find hope in the only thing that you can find true hope in...God. I pray that you have people in your life (or at least one), that attempt to understand...cares for you...and uplifts you.

My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.

Psalm 62:5

Check out dear friend Alisa's (the first person I met with Lyme & my first lyme friend) video and her song about lyme.

My next post will be part of the Following in Your Footsteps series...stay tuned!

ps- thanks for stopping by and hearing me out (if you're new here, my posts aren't usually like this)...it means a lot :)

Reading Plan

Today: Psalm 21-25

Tuesday: Psalm 26-31

Wednesday: Psalm 32-35

Thursday: Psalm 36-39

Friday: Psalm 40-45

Saturday: Psalm 46-50

Joy abounds

Pastor Nathan's sermon today was called "Joy Abounds".

I've talked about joy before, but his sermon was so good, I have to share.

 

Before Pastor Nathan got deep into the details, he wanted to make sure that we all knew what joy is...exceeding gladness. It can't be forced, but just happens. It's not a shallow happiness, but a deep happiness that comes from our souls and overflows. True joy comes from God and only God.

 

The main point that stood out to me was, "Joy is not the result of proper circumstances. Joy is the result of the right response to the Lord of our circumstances." Read that again because it's important. He continued with the example of Mary, Jesus' mother. She was a young girl, whom an angel visited and said she would give birth to the son of God even though she was a virgin. She wasn't married at the time, but was marrying another man who was not the father of the baby. Culturally, it wasn't a good circumstance to be facing. However, she responded with obedience and she found joy. Luke 1:46-49 says, "And Mary said: 'My soul exalts the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior. For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave; For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed. For the Mighty One has done great things for me; and holy is His name."

 

This made me think of my friends, Alisa and Jaime. In case you don't know their story, check it out here. They gave birth to their precious son this past Friday. Because of the the baby's fatal birth defect, they were given the option of abortion, but they quickly declined. They knew that God had given them a baby despite the many doctors who said she would be unable to get pregnant. They couldn't stand the thought of ending their baby's life so they decided to make the most of their time with their baby. They went to soccer games, basketball games, carved pumpkins, and went to see Santa...things that you would do with your child outside of the womb. Alisa knew it was risky to carry, but she was going to anyway because she felt that's what God wanted her to do. Doctors were unsure if London would be alive by the time Alisa would be awake from the anethesia, so that was a case for worry. Guess what?! Baby London came, spent 71 minutes here on Earth (more than what was expected for the circumstances) AND he got to spend time with his mommy while she was awake.

 

71 minutes doesn't seem like a lot of time, but it was more than expected. Looking at pictures of their special moments, I could tell that although it has been a difficult time, Alisa and Jaime had so much joy during those 71 minutes. I can't imagine being in their position. I know they have shed some tears of sorrow since their baby boy is no longer with them, but I know they have shed tears of joy because of their gift from God. They've also found joy in that God revealed Himself through their situation to thousands and thousands of people. God chose them to be the parents of London...a boy who would show people all around the world what faith looks like. His parents have put their trust in God's will despite their circumstances. To me, that is true faith...obeying God even through the hard times and trusting that His will is better than ours.

 

quote from Jaime

 

I have cried and cried for my dear friends, but I've also been in amazement....amazed by their strength, faithfulness, and most importantly, how God has moved through this situation. Pastor Nathan said, "Your faith can only grow through suffering." I agree with him from first hand experience and I know they would agree too. No doubt, this has been extremely difficult for them, but I do believe that they have and will experience joy because they responded to the Lord of their circumstances in the proper way...trusting and loving Him no matter what.

Please continue to pray for Alisa and Jaime as this is still a very difficult time.

 

 

If you are facing a hard time and you just don't understand why, trust in God.

Know that He is strengthening you through the hurt and the pain. 

Respond to Him in the proper way...obedience, submission and love.

We live in a tough, sinful world, but God is bigger.

 He can work through those times and strengthen our faith in Him.

He reminds us that we will face roadblocks, but He can get us through.

Life isn't easy, but He has bigger and better things in mind for us (not to mention, a perfect paradise in Heaven for all eternity) when we believe in Him.

 

Check out this song, "My soul magnifies the Lord"



Clear & to the point

Today I was reading Romans 11-13 for the Bible reading plan I've been following and I really enjoyed chapter 12. You wanna know why? It is so clear and to the point. It's basically a list of do's and don'ts. For instance, verses 10-11 says, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord." I can go through this chapter and check off the ones I do and circle the ones I need to work on. Not all scripture, however, is this clear and to the point. Other places in the Bible require you to read it multiple times and maybe even push you to ask your pastor about what it truly means.  I think God did this on purpose. 

The past few months I've been focusing on this type of scripture. I've wanted to figure out why this one chapter says this and why the other chapter says that. I've had a lot of questions and I've studied different translations and even the Hebrew and Greek origins, hoping I would figure out what God is saying. These questions have really instilled a hunger to read and learn more of God's word...which is great! On the other hand, I realized that I came to the point where it wasn't a healthy hunger, but it was more of an obsessive search to know all the answers.

Thankfully, God reminded me that I'm not training to be Him and to know all the answers. I don't need to know all the answers. Yes, the Bible is truth, but I realized that maybe I'm not supposed to completely understand this topic at this point in my life and maybe I never will. I was reminded that this is where faith comes in. Maybe I don't know every answer to every theological question, but that's okay because I have faith in God. Questions are great because they can create a healthy hunger in us, but there comes a point where we have to say, "Okay, God, I don't really need to know all the answers. All I really need to know is that you sent your son, Jesus, to die for my sins and that my purpose of living is to serve and praise You." 

Do you struggle with this? 

So I'm thankful for the scripture that is clear and to the point, but I'm also thankful for the scripture that forces me to practice my faith in God.

Today's scripture was Romans 11-13 and tomorrow's scripture is Romans 14-16.

Please don't forget to pray for Alisa, Jaime, and baby London! If you don't know their story, check it out here. 

Loving London

 

Last month, I posted about my friend, Alisa, and the difficult time she is facing right now. In case you don't know, Alisa is a close friend of mine. We met a few years ago before my Lyme diagnosis. I knew at the time of her Lyme Disease and she had been the first person I ever met with Lyme. We bonded over our gluten free diets, but I never made the connection that I may, too, have Lyme Disease. Fast forward a couple years and we were reunited because I had found out that I shared the same disease with her. We talked on the phone often and she was always there if I had any Lyme questions. She was my Lyme mentor, I guess you would say. She is such a sweet friend and a very talented, singer/songwriter.

 

I think it was in July that I found out about her situation. She had told me about her pregnancy which was a blessing considering doctors had told her that she would never be able to get pregnant. However, the story turned from happy tears to sad tears.

 

Check out her story here and please join with me in praying for Alisa, Jaime, and London this week. Feel free to use the picture as your social media profile picture to raise awareness of this prayer request. Also, please ask family, friends, small groups or whoever to pray for them. Prayer is poweful. No doubt about it.

 Thank you so much for your prayers...they are greatly appreciated & heard by God!

 

Check out this video to learn more about Alisa Turner. You wont regret it!

 

 

If you are joining me in the read-your-Bible-in-a-year plan, we moved into Romans today, chapters 1-3.