Monday, July 29, 2013

In my mind: Sick and tired of it all

Some of you may know that I have Lyme Disease and maybe you don't (that's okay! If you'd like to learn more, check out my story and Lyme Disease Awareness)
I'm going to be really real right now.
I hope this doesn't seem like a whole bunch of complaining on my part...
usually I'm all about giving a positive message, but
my main objective is to give some insight into what a person with a chronic disease often feels.
(It may sound really negative and I'm sorry, but I promise, my motive is positive.)
Maybe you know someone who is living with a chronic disease or maybe you're the one living with a chronic disease, so in either case, I pray that you find hope.
Maybe you'll find hope in understanding your loved one a little better or maybe you'll find hope by knowing that you aren't the only one feeling this way.
In a few months, it will be 2 years since I've been on treatment, 1 1/2 years of that being aggressive treatment, and over 10 years of symptoms.
This is how I feel about that...
I'm sick and tired of just feeling crappy all the time.
I'm sick and tired of the majority of the medical community being ignorant of this disease that wreaks so much havoc on so many lives.
I'm sick and tired of being a 23 year old and not being able to act like one with my own place and career. 
I'm sick and tired of worrying about if a certain food is going to make me feel worse.
I'm sick and tired of worrying about doing something that might make me feel like I've been run over the next day.
I'm sick and tired of searching for words (serious brain fog and word block often come with Lyme...lovely, huh?! Sorry for that sarcasm haha).
I'm sick and tired of always thinking about what medicine I need to take next.
I'm sick and tired of people saying it's all in my head.
I'm sick and tired of being attached to my heating pad (haha true story).
I'm sick and tired of being the friend that has to cancel 80% of the time because of how I feel.
I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm on a rollercoaster ride (rollercoasters are fun for the most part, but moving from highs to lows can get old haha).
I'm sick and tired of feeling like the person that makes things difficult for everyone.
I'm sick and tired of Lyme Disease stealing my tears.
I'm sick and tired of people not understanding.
Whew, that was a lot. Sorry I had to unload on you like that. Let me end on a positive note (I always like to be positive ;)
I'm thankful for the people in my life who do love me for all of me...including this yucky disease. It doesn't define me, but it is a part of my life right now. They make life easier for me...what a blessing.
I'm thankful for my doctor...that he has taken the risk to treat despite ignorant rules of the medical community.
I'm thankful for other lymies like myself, for creating such a supportive and encouraging community that gives me such comfort to know that there are some people who actually understand how I feel.
Most of all, I'm thankful for God and His everlasting presence and hope in my life (even when I'm upset and don't understand). I'm still thankful for all that God has taught me during this time and is continuing to teach me.
I hope this has helped you understand my thoughts a little better.
Also, I hope this hasn't made you feel different about me or my writings.
As you may be a friend/loved one of someone who suffers with a chronic disease, I challenge you to be there for that person. If she/he cancels on going out, maybe say, "That's perfectly okay...can I come over and we can watch a movie?" Or simply asking, "How are you feeling today? Don't say okay, but I really want to know how you're feeling...emotionally and physically." People may ask me how I'm feeling physically, but I hardly ever get asked, "How are you feeling emotionally?" Although you may never really understand, all that matters is that you try to understand.
As a person who suffers with a chronic disease, I pray that you know that you aren't alone in this struggle. I pray that you find hope in the only thing that you can find true hope in...God. I pray that you have people in your life (or at least one), that attempt to understand...cares for you...and uplifts you.
My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.
Psalm 62:5
Check out dear friend Alisa's (the first person I met with Lyme & my first lyme friend) video and her song about lyme.
My next post will be part of the Following in Your Footsteps series...stay tuned!
ps- thanks for stopping by and hearing me out (if you're new here, my posts aren't usually like this) means a lot :)
Reading Plan
Today: Psalm 21-25
Tuesday: Psalm 26-31
Wednesday: Psalm 32-35
Thursday: Psalm 36-39
Friday: Psalm 40-45
Saturday: Psalm 46-50
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  1. Thanks for the insight into what it's like in your world. I pray that you find healing. I just can't imagine living with all these emotions every single day. :( You are such a great witness!


    1. Thank you so much, Meredith! Your words mean more than you know! Be blessed girl :)


I'm so glad you stopped by! I can't wait to hear your thoughts. Be blessed :)